Same Same Vang Vieng

The last time I was in Laos, I was locked out of China due to covid, floating around SE Asia with only the clothes that I had in my backpack, trying to teach online for two months. Bathing suits, mind you, do violate the dress code.. After a short stint in Kuala Lumpur to join a few other misplaced teachers, I returned to Laos until I had to evacuate the country, one of the more traumatic moments of my life, grown folks begging with ticket agents to board planes.

Why do I hike?

When I find myself literally at the end of a rope in China, hiking is the ultimate brain eraser. Either I’m concentrating on the beauty or not slipping, totally forgetting that the snack I purchased for my cat was freeze dried baby birds (I will spare you the photo).

Nails

Hopefully, someday, Easter will be restored to a holiday where I can enjoy going to church, biting the heads off chocolate bunnies instead of eating frozen pea-sicles, and thinking about the nails of the crucifixion, not mine.

Tombs and Brittle Bones

It’s sad. Folks spending eternity in a cemetery really are forgotten. We have don’t even have a word for them. We have words for the grounds (cemetery, necropolis, catacombs), words for the urns and burial stones, words for that stupid piece of plastic on the end of your shoelace (aglet), but no word for our collective of loved ones that left us their Hummel collections.

Rice 饭 Fàn

his year for Christmas, I travelled to Xishuangbanna, where rice is anything but a bland side dish. There are rice stuffed pineapples, purple sticky rice, speckled rice dumplings wrapped in Bamboo leaves, and rice stuffed bamboo shoots.

Local Color

I went to Kunming’s Museum of Contemporary Art this weekend and viewed what I thought was an abstract poodle. While I enjoyed the art, I found the streets just as colorful. This bean lady at the market reminded me of my mom. I really think it was her. She didn’t have her own booth or her own QR code, but […]

Paperwork

Working at an international school, I have been trained for fires, earthquakes. Hostage Takeovers. But what if a student gets stuck in the bathroom? It was photo day and my class was right after the snapping of pictures. Mars’ bow tie was next to the crayons. Albert’s jacket was on the back of his chair. But Yael’s kitty cat ears? […]

An American in Wuhan

Oh yes I did! I have just completed the Covid 19 Triple Dog Dare. I went on a cruise, ate at a buffet and ended up in Wuhan, then lived to blog about it. Actually, it’s not as insane as it sounds. Since I’m “land-locked” in China this summer, I thought I’d finally see the country. It’s not like I’ve […]

Pokes and Probes

So what’s an expat to do when it’s time to get back on the saddle again–wait–I mean back in the stirrups? Make an appointment at Women’s Angel Hospital for a pap smear and mammogram. Considering China makes more babies than any other countries, maybe it’s time we trust them with other female needs.

Temple Attire

So, just what do you wear to a temple or monastery, even if it’s one for chickens in Shangri La? It depends on if it’s a Buddhist temple, monastery, or the Hundred chicken temple.

Yak and Hack

Does anyone know of a good wine pairing for yak? That’s what you eat in Shangri La. And don’t laugh. Yak is where it’s at. I was referred to this little hole in the wall, a Tibetan version of a blue plate diner. I ordered Diced Yak with noodles and Yak Meat Pie. The crust was amazing. Plus, I had […]

Born to be like ginger

In America today, I officially turn into human wallpaper. It’s my birthday, or 生日快乐 shēng rì kuài lè, in Chinese. But no Barbie dolls or pin the tail on the donkey games this year. I turned sixty. The big Six-O. In dog years, I’d be dead. In America, childhoods that pre-date Google means you have become as desirable as panty […]

You Care Too Much

The three words silenced my room: “What the hell?” They weren’t from a junior high student, because the utterance would have been in Chinese. The slip of the tongue was from a second grader. From the same kid who doesn’t know his sight words. I looked at a coworker, who heard it too. While I was thinking about school policies […]

Smoke

There is a famous Chinese proverb: 不到长城非好汉. He who has never been to the Great Wall is not a true man. And after he visits the Great Wall, he picks up a pack of cigarettes.  Smoking is huge in this country, even with doctors, including my “no chicken, no OJ, drink broccoli juice” acupuncturist. Before the young doctor light his cigarette, […]

Why I got my hair cut.

It was a typical day in China. I was out enjoying the typical Chinese scenery… teaching English at an upscale Equestrian -Golf club outside of Kunming, China. It was the kind of resort where you’d wipe your butt with hundred dollar bills…that is,if they offered toilet paper in their restrooms. Luxurious was an understatement for this resort. Easily five stars, just like […]

Golden, Fushcia and Leopard Print Temple

Monday was the fifteenth day of the new Chinese Year,   which is also known as the Lantern Festival. Fireworks are  replaced with colorful incense …. and floating lanterns are released in the sky. This caused a colorful block of traffic on my way to school,    as I take a short cut thru the Golden Temple (in Kunming, China) to get there.   The buses had to wait […]

Chinese Diners and Dives

I did the math. Eight seven thousand five hundred.  That’s the number of servings I prepared last year at Jesus People USA,  feeding  three hundred and fifty funky folks each night, five days a week.  That doesn’t include the meals that end up at Uptown shelters or the folks at Tent City. Or the lumpy grits that no one would […]

Oh, crap! 糟糕: Tzao Gao

The biggest difference between countries is not their style of politics but the little things,  ATMs, traffic signals, directions on a washing machine, but most important, the rules and expressions for using the toilet. In the land of the free to pee, American public johns are not filled with signs about fines of how to squat or what to plop. […]

The Nightmare Before New Years

There’s only one thing louder than in China than New Year’s. It’s a Chinese Walmart on New Year’s Eve. Instead of fighting over Tickle Me Elmo’s and large screen TVs,  shoppers grab for handfuls of prawns. And lucky chicken feet for your hostess. There is a tea tree instead of a Christmas tree. And itchy festive clothes for the children. […]

LIGHTS, SMART PHONE, ACTION!

After a two week  course in Western Culture, my students had to create videos about their favorite experiences in Kunming. Final projects have come along way since making dioramas out of shoe boxes and popsicle sticks. So what did I learn? Other than how to upload a video shot on a bootleg Chinese phone onto Google,  I learned this: Shut up […]

China’s Got Talent

What could be more adorable than a Chinese five year old dressed up as Curly the cowboy? The one re-enacting a dinosaur battle. It was the Chine Speaks English competition in Kunming,  and I got to be a judge for the shortie division ( four to eight year-olds). Participants were judged on their ability to speak English,  not if they could comprehend […]

Cool Adventure

Hip. Swag. Dope. Just some of the American slang my Chinese students discussed when the topic du jour was the word,  “cool”. I ended the lesson discussing another idiom for cool, “freaking freezing!” It was the only way to describe the splizzardy weather in the city of Eternal Springs, where snow siting is as rare as seeing a M?iguórén bundled up in a […]

Putting your best 脚 jiǎo forward.

At first,  it just felt like a pebble in my shoe. No big deal. But then suddenly, out of nowhere, try it felt like an abscessed tooth migrated to the ball of my foot. Ouch! Now I understand why they shoot horses. It’s something called Morton’s Neuroma, a thickening of the skin around a nerve between two toes,  common in […]

Get your Zao on!

Most people complain about their morning commute to work. Not me. My forty minute walk to work is like jumping into a Dr. Suess book. But replace the Cat in the Hat with Kung Fu Panda wannabes and the puff balls of Who-ville with beautiful gardens of the World Horticultural Expo in Kunming.  And oh yes, replace saying G’morning with […]