It was the kid’s version of a drug pat down at an international airport. “Do you mind opening up your milk carton?” The command came from Miss Kindermen, my second-grade teacher, her hair spun into a black beehive while my eyes were mesmerized by her psychedelic dress. She looked like she belonged on Laugh-In, not a classroom. Her blue-shadowed eyes […]
Nǐ chī le ma?” Have you eaten lunch?”
Bat Man 蝙蝠 侠: A mask-less hero
the bat (literal translation of 蝙蝠 侠) has caught over six-thousand thieves over the past forty-two years in Kunming, Yunnan, with this home-made spiked club.
Irritable Vowel Syndrome
You know it’s going to be a long day when the rules for the English Speaking Competition are written in Chinese.
Juan by any other name
What’s there to see in Wuhan China? Don’t expect to find a “Covid Memorial”.
An American in Wuhan
Oh yes I did! I have just completed the Covid 19 Triple Dog Dare. I went on a cruise, ate at a buffet and ended up in Wuhan, then lived to blog about it. Actually, it’s not as insane as it sounds. Since I’m “land-locked” in China this summer, I thought I’d finally see the country. It’s not like I’ve […]
Pokes and Probes
So what’s an expat to do when it’s time to get back on the saddle again–wait–I mean back in the stirrups? Make an appointment at Women’s Angel Hospital for a pap smear and mammogram. Considering China makes more babies than any other countries, maybe it’s time we trust them with other female needs.
Chenglish Shore Drive
Some signs should be changed. But changing Lake Shore Drive signage in Chicago? That’s crazier than Chenglish.
Temple Attire
So, just what do you wear to a temple or monastery, even if it’s one for chickens in Shangri La? It depends on if it’s a Buddhist temple, monastery, or the Hundred chicken temple.
Yak and Hack
Does anyone know of a good wine pairing for yak? That’s what you eat in Shangri La. And don’t laugh. Yak is where it’s at. I was referred to this little hole in the wall, a Tibetan version of a blue plate diner. I ordered Diced Yak with noodles and Yak Meat Pie. The crust was amazing. Plus, I had […]
Tweezers are Worth Being Taught
Sometimes, it’s wise to try something new, while other times, maybe you should just uh, not give a pluck.
Traditions
In China, you don’t have to go to funerals. The funerals come to you.
Born to be like ginger
In America today, I officially turn into human wallpaper. It’s my birthday, or 生日快乐 shēng rì kuài lè, in Chinese. But no Barbie dolls or pin the tail on the donkey games this year. I turned sixty. The big Six-O. In dog years, I’d be dead. In America, childhoods that pre-date Google means you have become as desirable as panty […]
My Dad’s car was a horse
Somewhere over the years, the quest for knowledge has been replaced with a desire for a better GPA. And whatever their Grade Point Average it isn’t good enough.
Chest Pain Preferred
For less than the cost of your monthly Verizon bill, you can get a colonoscopy in China.
Museum of Me
The plate is just one of the relics that followed me back to China, packed in bubble wrap, between Costco size jars of Nutella and cylinders of Parmesan Cheese.
You Care Too Much
The three words silenced my room: “What the hell?” They weren’t from a junior high student, because the utterance would have been in Chinese. The slip of the tongue was from a second grader. From the same kid who doesn’t know his sight words. I looked at a coworker, who heard it too. While I was thinking about school policies […]
Smoke
There is a famous Chinese proverb: 不到长城非好汉. He who has never been to the Great Wall is not a true man. And after he visits the Great Wall, he picks up a pack of cigarettes. Smoking is huge in this country, even with doctors, including my “no chicken, no OJ, drink broccoli juice” acupuncturist. Before the young doctor light his cigarette, […]
吃货 (chī huò) Foodies
Huǒ guō or hot pot, is to Kunming, China what deep dish pizza is to Chicago. It’s a combination between a meal and a game of Truth or Dare
Never Pick a Cool Name
Bilingual book for Chinese children learning English
Chicken Tonight
Buying a chicken in China isn’t that much different than buying it at Costco but paying for it is. Also, my horrendous commute to work.
A Fungus Among Us
I would rather suffer from a parasite than from boredom.
Take two ping pong balls and call me in the morning.
We looked like m&ms tumbling from the plane as our chutes opened in the sky. Below us was a bounty of trees more colorful than a box of Crayolas. It was October, it was college, and I was suffering from a temporary bout of insanity. I had signed up to go skydiving. Despite hours of instruction, I didn’t bend my […]
Snow Day
Nothing motivates a child more to read than the opportunity to throw a snowball at their teacher.
Flying the Coop
Hash Harriers Fundraiser Red Dress Run
Marshmallow men
The trip from the USA to China is usually long and filled with bad movies and meals covered in aluminum foil. But during COVID? The 24 hour odyssey turns into twenty one days. That’s enough time to hatch a baby chicken. The route? From DTW to SF to PVG in Shanghai to finally, KMG Kunming, the little quaint village of […]
China’s Secret to Beating Covid
And the fries were cold.
Crazy China TV
OK. I am half way thru quarantine but my body is still in time zone purgatory, which means I am up all hours of the night. Good thing China has a lot of bad TV. The infomercials put the Sham Wow guy to shame. Here is a quick spin through the channels at one AM.
Can I survive Quarantine?
If you’re heading into quarantine in Shang Hai, bring a Weight Watcher’s Guide.
A new stamp for my collection.
On Christmas morning, while Santa was sliding down chimneys wearing a red Haz-mat suit and mask, I got a present better than a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle. I found a boarding pass to China in my stocking. It was a complicated gift, full of hoops, forms, the grace of God and nail biting, and hopefully, no returns. The international flight originated in […]