The list was worthy of a world record. Umbrellas. Fountain pens. Three cell phones (actually two, as one was stolen), two favorite pair of sunglasses, one being retro Bausch Lomb scored for two dollars at an estate sale in Detroit, then left at a bus station in Vietnam, and another in a coffee shop in China, and a pair of […]
Lost Pérdida
Colorful Chiloe Island
I’m at that part of my vacation where I’m totally tired of living out of my backpack, wearing the same old socks that are embedded with Patagonian sand (sink-washing with a squeeze of the complimentary hotel soap isn’t doing the trick). Not to mention my mauve yoga pants, which are in a state if shavasana…dead for the rest of the […]
Laguna de Do It!
This is not a good place to drop your cell phone.
Vacation Outtakes
One thing I’ve learned over the years while scanning the luggage carousel for my bag, s that your vacation never ends up like the travel brochure. Your trips (well, at least, mine) are usually like the part of the photograph that was cropped out, the trailer park behind the pricy water park destination, the burnt bits on the overpriced fries. […]
Patagonia by bus.
I reread the email again thinking it was a mistake. WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE DEPARTUTRE DATE HAS BEEN DELAYED BY FOUR DAYS The trip being a four-day freight ferry excursion from Peurto Montt to Peurto Natales, Patagonia, where I’d be unplugged for ninety-six hours and float past the fjords of southern Chile. The trip being the linchpin […]
Chile Christmas
If Santa is going to gift you the stomach flu, Peurto Varas Chile is a great place to unwrap it. Yes, I’ve been sick, my ailments beginning in Santiago and following me all the way to the lake district, specifically, Peurto Varas, where I’ve been nestled under a thick down blanket for three days. Life is good….even when it’s not. […]
read leer
The news headlines are like a toilet that won’t flush. Here’s what I’ve been reading instead.,
Thanks Gracias
Sometime today, between the Lions game and second slice of pie and melting jello or dressing that isn’t as good as your mom’s, we say thanks. We pray for parking spots and good lab results and for lost dogs to be found and for wars to end and for willpower to lose the ten pounds we put on after the […]
69 after 60
Am I too old for this,? I asked myself as I grappled for my morning pills and supplements in my travel pill case. I was about to venture Laguna 69, a hiking destination near Huaraz, Peru, and about half a mile in the sky. I checked my supplies: water, fiber-rich trail mix, several sole coins for toilet fees, my tried […]
Yungay
It was a few days past my 9th birthday. I was probably eating the last of a Bill Knapp’s chocolate cake when it happened. A mudslide triggered by a massive earthquake wiped out the town of Yungay, Peru. May 31, 1970. Many children were spared due to a circus being in town that day. They received free tickets and we’re […]
The Fourth Time I thought I would die: Tarapoto
OK. When I think about different ways to die, there is one that sounds worse than all of them. Not an earthquake or being being bit by a shark, which only kills six people a year, whereas forty-three folks die each year taking a selfie. Don’t ask me how I know. What scares me? It’s dying of boredom at Suncrest […]
Lil’ Machu Pichu
I don’t know why it’s called this, either. I guess the name is an oddity, like GrapeNuts, Buffalo Wings, and autotheft, a word which continues to baffle my language learners, who envision an object stealing itself. Anyway, I went to Not-so-Macho last weekend, which is about a three-hour ride north of Lima, and a five-hour schlep back thanks to honking […]
Brutiful: Torres del Paine
On a Christmas, thanks to a shaky WIFI connection, I watched my sisters take part in a cookie decorating contest. Obscene amounts of frosting were being smeared over ginger-men, the winner of receiving upwards of five hundred dollars. I smiled at the Christmas festivities, thinking, why am I not there? That’s because I am here, and so is the Torres […]
San Ramon
On the advice of Pedro, the gentleman I met at a local bakery who had an encounter with a Peruvian UFO, I ventured to San Ramon this Thanksgiving. Why? I was more interested in looking at birds instead of space aliens. Actually, Pedro isn’t the only Peruvian who recommended San Ramon. Being on the eyebrow of the jungle, San Ramon […]
Peruvian Ugly
OK. I admit. I’m a cat person and Lima’s Kennedy Park has forty-two purring creatures for me to love. But this town is dog happy and an overwhelming amount of them are beyond coyote ugly. They are even uglier than the extraterrestrials that supposedly visited this place. Take for instance, the popular Peruvian Orchid. This hairless variety is the rage, […]
Sleepy Joe
It was a big day in Lima, Peru. President Joe Biden and Xin Jinping were in town for the APEC meeting. For those of you who are not fluent in acronyms, APEC stands for Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation. It also meant lots of businesses were closed in Lima to keep traffic to a minimum, and a chance for me to catch […]
Bahía At Bay
“I see an eagle!” screamed one first grader. “I do, too!” screamed another. I had doubts if an American Eagle escaped to Lima, Peru, in spite of the divisive week in politics. But the week of birdwatching with the elementary students inspired me to do a bit of my own at the Paracas National Reserve, an easy safe bus ride […]
Purple: Mes Morado Month
In Lima, there are no red states or blue states. Everything is purple. Well, at least today. Since I’m too lazy to google what the purple parade and celebration is about, I’m guessing it’s not to honor Barnie the Dinosaur or the Late Great Californian Raisins. It’s Mes Morado, or the Lord of the Miracles Month (I asked someone). This […]
Whiz Kid
Sometimes I wonder if I am ever making a difference in the world. Am I just eating ceviche in Lima, or am I making a difference? Well, this week, I felt as if I was more than a consumer of fish and corrector of grammar errors (By the way, this ceviche below costs less than a specialty Starbucks drink). Well […]
I went to America for a week and all I got was a lousy concussion?
“Ginger! Ginger!” I heard my friend call. I was by my luggage ready to go to the airport, luggage that was bulging with fifty pounds of “Can’t Get This In Peru” whatnot. Chocolate covered cherries. Maple Syrup. Barrels of Costco vitamins, wash clothes, Good N Plenty, and Expo White Board Markers. Except I wasn’t standing by my luggage, I was […]
Why I Walk
Seventeen thousand four hundred steps. That’s enough to work off the calories consumed from a grilled banana. That’s also the number of steps I walk to and from ICSLima (the school where I work) and my abode in Barranco in the Smirnoff Vodka building, formally known as the Pepsi Sabor Building. How long is the walk? About fifty-five minutes each […]
A plumber and a prayer
Life in Lima can be just as ordinary as life anywhere. Sure, there’s occasional earthquakes to shake things up in Peru, buses lit on fire during a city-wide transit strike, parents of students getting kidnapped, and dogs better dressed than their owners. But the daily grind? It’s no more exciting that what you’d experience in Schaumburg. My hiking group is […]
Apu Siquay
Could this be the ancient burial ground of carnival rides?
Comfort Zone
This week, I moved out of my comfort zone. Actually, I sold it. I got the text from while I was sharpening pencils with my first graders in Lima, Peru, that someone wanted a second showing of my condo in Chicago, USA. I didn’t even know that there was a first showing. But by the time I had walked home, […]
MAC, Barranco Art on a Timer
Can you look at a piece of art for ten minutes without going bonkers?
Huaca Pucllana: Home of Captain Underpants
I really don’t care archeologists uncovered the ancestors of Sears Roebuck underwear models
Hooray for Huaraz, says the Lazy, Solo Traveler
I didn’t attempt any butt-kicking hikes in Huaraz. I just wanted to sit on what others wanted kick.
Sand
It’s funny the places you can get cell reception in the world, it being a lot more universal than clean toilets
Chicago-ing, going, gone
Was it jet lag or had everything in Wrigleyville?
I’m not just talking about the two middle-aged women whom I haven’t seen since they were young men
Beleza (Beauty)
Vincent Van Gogh It was about four AM in the morning in Madrid, me with a backpack my sister in her long- haul yoga pants. We are middle aged flowers in a city full of beautiful people, wilting like one of the still-life paintings in the Prado museum. Old ladies in dresses hobbling on cobble stone streets (not in Costco […]
Just Did It: Camino Santiago
If my feet could talk, what would they say? After taking part of the El Camino Santiago pilgrimage, my ten little piggies and not-so-little bunion would say more than pass the Epsom salts please.
Count
The Count had on a blue blazer, an ascot, his silver hair slicked back, reminding me of that guy on Fantasy Island, Mr. Roarke.
Transformation
Life repeats itself. Ten years ago, I was Madrid, Spain, waiting for a train to Alicante, my life at its lowest. My mom just died, my husband just left me in China, and my life was condensed down to one hundred pounds and a carry-on. I was in Spain to visit my nephew to make sure he was actually studying […]
Sleep with the Fishes
In Lima, Peruvian traditions make the obituaries every day.
birthday boobies (and other birds)
I never would have imagined spending my 63rd birthday looking at boobies.
Uh…not cleavage, but the Peruvian bird.
Marathon
We all have a pair of running shoes inside of us.
Top Ten Smells of Lima, Peru
If you visit Lima, Peru, you’ll be treating your schnoz to some of the best –or should I say most memorable sniffs.
Fog
Believe it or not, that’s the ocean behind me. Funny how the Pacific can disappear, but my wrinkles still show up.
Watching the Paint Dry
Living overseas is like watching paint dry in another country. A lot of same-o same-o.
Look Up
Sometimes I hate it here.
But then I look up.
Or look at birds, which is why I skipped church that day.
La Punta: Lima’s Top Tip
There is more to Lima than what meets the gullet.
Minority
There I am at this bus station, trying to stay warm before dawn when my eyes spotted the egg-shaped woman on a blanket.
Viernes Santo (Good Friday)
In her last years, my mom was convinced she was a part-time prophet of Jesus. I didn’t doubt her, except for her story about Moses having a gun.
Lima Traffic: This is how I will die.
Really God? Is this how I will go? Not eating a bad bug in a remote Asian village? Not falling off the side of a cliff in Vietnam trying to fetch my phone? But by crossing the street in Peru where a Policia is supposed to be watching?
When in Lima…Donde fueres, haz lo que vieres.
In Lima, Peru, do as the dogs do.
Cheeses Christ
There’s only one way to describe the mercados in Lima, Peru: you just died and went to …well, you know.
Kennedy Park: the Cat’s Meow
There are forty-two cats in Lima’s Kennedy Park, one of which is a devote Catholic.
When Life Gives You Lima Beans
This chapter of my life will officially be over. I’m leaving Asia, heading towards Peru.
My Forrest Gump Moment
That’s me in the official promo photo (which is unofficially being posted by me).
Loy Krathong–Let it go!
Today is the day when everyone in Thailand acts like Elsa in the movie Frozen, singing Let it Go. eyelashes. That’s what Loy Krathong is about, letting go of the bad and starting new.
The third time I thought I was going to die.
Planned holidays were being rewritten by Mother Nature and I didn’t approve of her script.
This is where I dropped my phone.
Tour groups in Asia are no different than those at Disney World except you ride a bus instead of the Monorail and have a slight chance of getting an intestinal parasite as a souvenir.
Goodbye Zàijiàn
I’ve never got kicked out of a country before, but let me tell you, it’s a bit more dramatic than getting kicked out of high school chemistry, which happened on a weekly basis.
Nóng jiā lè Farm Restaurants
Colonel Sanders, move over. If you want chicken, visit a Nóng jiā lè 農家樂 or farmhouse restaurant in rural Yunnan.
Dàbiàn 大便(Gotta go)
Where do you go when you gotta go in China? Not here.
Why do I hike?
When I find myself literally at the end of a rope in China, hiking is the ultimate brain eraser. Either I’m concentrating on the beauty or not slipping, totally forgetting that the snack I purchased for my cat was freeze dried baby birds (I will spare you the photo).
Chinese Hospital Food
I have eaten a lot of strange foods in Asia but this week, my tastebuds ventured to a cuisine that the FOOD CHANNEL has yet to try. Chinese Hospital Food.
二三 èr sān (Twenty-three)
Jing Cheng, like many Chinese boys, is dressed head to toe in Michael Jordan apparel, the real deal, not the bootlegs. He has Nikes on his feet, an 二三 sweatband on his wrist, and a red BULLS jersey that he wears every day, even though it is pushing twenty-five years since MJ put on his for the last time in Salt Lake City.
I broke something at a Monastery.
I broke something at the Fuguo Monastery. No, I didn’t have to buy it.
Xbanna
While Xbanna has more temples than Lucky Charms has marshmallow bits, my favorite thing about this lush city is the bird walker park.
My moment in a motivational poster.
I’m no longer in China. I’m in the land of inspirational posters.
Lunch at an International School
only see in the lunchroom of an international school in China.
Masks of 2026
So many things I learned about my students, thanks to a twenty-five cent mask.
I didn’t event this language. I just teach it.
I don’t remember learning grammar. I remember Kathy Lawton throwing up in the fifth grade, Richard Elliot drinking the water in the fish tank, but the rules deciding when to use raise or rise?
Nails
Hopefully, someday, Easter will be restored to a holiday where I can enjoy going to church, biting the heads off chocolate bunnies instead of eating frozen pea-sicles, and thinking about the nails of the crucifixion, not mine.
Takes a Washing, Keeps on Watching
My Huawei phone went through the washer, literally, and it still works!
Tombs and Brittle Bones
It’s sad. Folks spending eternity in a cemetery really are forgotten. We have don’t even have a word for them. We have words for the grounds (cemetery, necropolis, catacombs), words for the urns and burial stones, words for that stupid piece of plastic on the end of your shoelace (aglet), but no word for our collective of loved ones that left us their Hummel collections.
Pink fěn hóng sè 粉红色
In China, who knows what the flavor Pink would be. There are firecracker red hot dogs, black eggs, purple rice, orange mushrooms, green oranges, and clear grain alcohol that can clean your clock. But pink?
Parlez Vous Bank Bot?
Banking from China is ludicrous no matter who you bank with. For starters, you have to get up before Five AM to talk with a human, that is, if you are granted the right to talk.
Best Line Awards
I just don’t know the meaning of the meaning.”
Maus Mouse shǔ 鼠
If your school’s reading scores are in the bottom 33 percentile, you shouldn’t be banning books. Do whatever it takes to get your students to read.
Red Earth hóng tǔ 红土
This is not the place you’d want to be during an earthquake. These old houses are made out of mud brick.
January 5
Hospice is both the most wonderful and hardest endeavor I have ever experienced.
The Line
A week’s worth of Covid Testing in Xishuangbanna. China in order to get a coveted travel certificate.
Lock Down
the only thing that can top earthquake on vacation is a city-wide lockdown for mandatory Covid testing.
Rice 饭 Fàn
his year for Christmas, I travelled to Xishuangbanna, where rice is anything but a bland side dish. There are rice stuffed pineapples, purple sticky rice, speckled rice dumplings wrapped in Bamboo leaves, and rice stuffed bamboo shoots.
Chinese Bird Walkers
Bird walking in China is a popular hobby with men. It’s like car shows. but with songbirds, not T-birds.
Xishuangbanna: The Other Side
I–like everyone else–thought the world would be spinning by now, but no. We are right back where we started, well sort of.
How I worked off my Thanksgiving Dinner
, I was very patriotic this holiday in China. I ate my part. How did I work off those calories so I’d avoid a New Years Resolution of losing a few kilos? I took an after-dinner stroll in the Yunnan countryside.
Local Color
I went to Kunming’s Museum of Contemporary Art this weekend and viewed what I thought was an abstract poodle. While I enjoyed the art, I found the streets just as colorful. This bean lady at the market reminded me of my mom. I really think it was her. She didn’t have her own booth or her own QR code, but […]
Paperwork
Working at an international school, I have been trained for fires, earthquakes. Hostage Takeovers. But what if a student gets stuck in the bathroom? It was photo day and my class was right after the snapping of pictures. Mars’ bow tie was next to the crayons. Albert’s jacket was on the back of his chair. But Yael’s kitty cat ears? […]
fēi bèn飞起 getting high
Unlike video games that give a hit of dopamine, reading will never make you high. It is work but it will take you places you’ve never imagine.
Pīng Pāng Qiú
Lou, like many of the students at an international school, is a SPAMMER, which some call a Third Culture Kid or TCK. I prefer calling them SPAM. They are a mystery found in every country that’s actually a blend of lots of things.
Shangri La Abugi
My guide, who I swear was a reincarnated goat, does the Abugi trail six times a week, hauling snacks of Baozi and hard boiled eggs for the trekkers and a pack of smokes for himself.
Unfinished Posts
I’ve started a lot of posts that I didn’t finish about Kunming. Oh well. Maybe if I post the photos that inspired them, you can write your own endings.
Nǐ chī le ma?” Have you eaten lunch?”
It was the kid’s version of a drug pat down at an international airport. “Do you mind opening up your milk carton?” The command came from Miss Kindermen, my second-grade teacher, her hair spun into a black beehive while my eyes were mesmerized by her psychedelic dress. She looked like she belonged on Laugh-In, not a classroom. Her blue-shadowed eyes […]
Bat Man 蝙蝠 侠: A mask-less hero
the bat (literal translation of 蝙蝠 侠) has caught over six-thousand thieves over the past forty-two years in Kunming, Yunnan, with this home-made spiked club.
Irritable Vowel Syndrome
You know it’s going to be a long day when the rules for the English Speaking Competition are written in Chinese.
Juan by any other name
What’s there to see in Wuhan China? Don’t expect to find a “Covid Memorial”.
An American in Wuhan
Oh yes I did! I have just completed the Covid 19 Triple Dog Dare. I went on a cruise, ate at a buffet and ended up in Wuhan, then lived to blog about it. Actually, it’s not as insane as it sounds. Since I’m “land-locked” in China this summer, I thought I’d finally see the country. It’s not like I’ve […]
Pokes and Probes
So what’s an expat to do when it’s time to get back on the saddle again–wait–I mean back in the stirrups? Make an appointment at Women’s Angel Hospital for a pap smear and mammogram. Considering China makes more babies than any other countries, maybe it’s time we trust them with other female needs.
Chenglish Shore Drive
Some signs should be changed. But changing Lake Shore Drive signage in Chicago? That’s crazier than Chenglish.
Temple Attire
So, just what do you wear to a temple or monastery, even if it’s one for chickens in Shangri La? It depends on if it’s a Buddhist temple, monastery, or the Hundred chicken temple.
Yak and Hack
Does anyone know of a good wine pairing for yak? That’s what you eat in Shangri La. And don’t laugh. Yak is where it’s at. I was referred to this little hole in the wall, a Tibetan version of a blue plate diner. I ordered Diced Yak with noodles and Yak Meat Pie. The crust was amazing. Plus, I had […]
Traditions
In China, you don’t have to go to funerals. The funerals come to you.
Born to be like ginger
In America today, I officially turn into human wallpaper. It’s my birthday, or 生日快乐 shēng rì kuài lè, in Chinese. But no Barbie dolls or pin the tail on the donkey games this year. I turned sixty. The big Six-O. In dog years, I’d be dead. In America, childhoods that pre-date Google means you have become as desirable as panty […]
My Dad’s car was a horse
Somewhere over the years, the quest for knowledge has been replaced with a desire for a better GPA. And whatever their Grade Point Average it isn’t good enough.
Chest Pain Preferred
For less than the cost of your monthly Verizon bill, you can get a colonoscopy in China.
Museum of Me
The plate is just one of the relics that followed me back to China, packed in bubble wrap, between Costco size jars of Nutella and cylinders of Parmesan Cheese.
You Care Too Much
The three words silenced my room: “What the hell?” They weren’t from a junior high student, because the utterance would have been in Chinese. The slip of the tongue was from a second grader. From the same kid who doesn’t know his sight words. I looked at a coworker, who heard it too. While I was thinking about school policies […]
Smoke
There is a famous Chinese proverb: 不到长城非好汉. He who has never been to the Great Wall is not a true man. And after he visits the Great Wall, he picks up a pack of cigarettes. Smoking is huge in this country, even with doctors, including my “no chicken, no OJ, drink broccoli juice” acupuncturist. Before the young doctor light his cigarette, […]
吃货 (chī huò) Foodies
Huǒ guō or hot pot, is to Kunming, China what deep dish pizza is to Chicago. It’s a combination between a meal and a game of Truth or Dare
Never Pick a Cool Name
Bilingual book for Chinese children learning English
Urubamba
It’s a sham. Gift registries for our friends who get married, but what about the gal who remains single? in China, she’s called a leftover woman. At prayer meetings, she’s prayed for as if her singleness is leprecy. In my book? She’s called a kindred spirit. In spite of the amount of periwinkle taffeta bridesmaids dresses she has purchased (with […]
Wild Ones
Being typical Peruvians, piranha do prefer chicken.
¡corre!
I got up extra early on a Sunday to watch the Lima Marathon. I am humbled by the array of athletes, wishing I could buy their drive in a bottle. Some wore the unexpected. A few wore smiles. I hung out with the photographers and big finger people. Here are leaders of the pack. They make it look so easy. […]
Knock Out Smile
Life abroad is the daily grind, but with an adapter plug. That is, until you need major dental work. Major as in getting all of one’s teeth knocked out, as I had to do.
God’s Day Off
I look at the locked gate on the cathedral and smirk. “Why is it closed? I mean, this is Semana Santa, Holy Week. Churches should be open, right?” My Peruvian friend, with better English than my Spanish, scratches his chin and explains. “Catholic church is strange religion. God is dead today. He die Good Friday. But don’t worry,” he smiled, […]
Prayers Oraciones
I can’t open newspapers without wanting to rip out my eyeballs. Tariffs in China. Measles in America. Shooting of bus drivers in Lima. All I can say is this: the world doesn’t need political pundits. The world needs prayer. Instead of plucking out my optic orbs over the headlines, I decided to hike with my group to Cruz del Papa […]
Sunset Commute
Lately, instead of watching the news, I’ve been watching the sunset. It’s true, the water washes everything away. The news. The pick-pocketers. The bus strikes. The warning notices from the Embassy regarding the bus strikes. The growling dog. The screeching car brakes. You get the picture. But here is a better one. When I walk home from school, I can […]
Camino Barranco
It was the first time I got naked with a man in a long time, and it didn’t go the way I wanted. Yes, I was visiting a skin doctor, something well overdue after my move to Lima, Peru, a place where the sun radiation is equivalent to living in a microwave oven. I was at the Delgado International Clinic […]
Lunahuana:
I’m not sure, because I’m still learning the language, but I think Lunahuana is an ancient Quechua word for Pisco. This small town, about three hours from Lima, Peru, and is one of only five regions in Peru that grow the magical Pisco grape. I didn’t visit Lunahuana for grape stomping, but for hiking, along with a hodge-podge of hikers […]
Winging it in Oxapampa
If you see a little Smoke-colored Pewee in Oxapampa, Peru, don’t call your doctor. Call a birdwatcher. Yes, a bird watcher. A smoky-colored pewee is just one of the three hundred bird species that will blow up your Merlin phone app in this high jungle bird mecca of Peru. Who named these birds in Oxapampa? Who knows. But you got […]