Fool’s Gold!

Museo Oro del Perú y Armas del Mundo

It was the stupidest thing I’ve done in my life, since dropping my phone off a cliff in Vietnam. This stupid thing? Opening a one-thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, otherwise known as the ultimate time toilet, one that I’m fearing contains only nine-hundred and ninety nine. This time-sucking interlocking masterpiece is Gustav’s Klimt’s The Kiss, which can be found at the Belvedere | Belvedere Museum Vienna, or in my apartment in Barranco, Lima.

To make things worse, I don’t even have a table big enough for this venture. The Lovers are divided between my two Peruvian coffee tables.

While some scroll TikTok videos for the latest fashion trends for their toy chihuahua, I’m searching for a gold dot of the glittery painting. Do you know how many gold dots are in this puzzle? Do you know how many useful things I could accomplish why ferreting for this missing piece? Well, I’ve accomplished neither. My sock drawer is still a wreck and the dust bunnies are still under my futon couch.

Luckily, the bunnies were holding the missing piece captive.

I had to take a break, feeling guilty of all the things I could do with my time instead, especially since I live in Lima, home to one of the world’s largest gold collections. I said goodbye to Klimt and went to the Museo Oro del Perú y Armas del Mundo in the La Molina area.

I enjoyed the museum, except for the young ticket agent, who was too busy scrolling his phone to tell anyone where the gold collection was located. Instead, we wandered aimlessly through rooms of armor, guns and military buttons.

Lima’s famous gold collection is in the basement of the museum, protected behind massive safe doors that you’d see in a spy movie. There are thousands of sparkling items, including small gold llamas, ornate necklaces, festive goblets and special pieces worn for rituals.

The museum’s various collections were donated by a philanthropist, Miguel Mujica Gallo, around 1924. He purchased thousands of these shiny trinkets from tomb robbers in areas of Columbia and Peru. But it seems like Miguel is the one who was robbed. The gold collection is fake!

According to an investigation in 2001, ninety-eight percent of the exhibit at Lima’s Gold Museum is not real, but forgeries made by the robbers or other conniving. This investigation was backed by the Consumer Defense Institute of Peru, who made a statement that the collection “is fake without a shadow of a doubt”.

Of course, none of this information is posted in English and the ticket guy is too busy scrolling his phone to tell you to the small Spanish placard on the wall that reveals this embarrassing truth.

So go ahead. Take a selfie with the man with the gold-plated head. Even though the gold patch in his cranium may be fake, this medical procedure-trepanation- where an ancient Dr. Noah Wyle removes part of the skull, is a real deal.

I guess the Museum was a waste of time, too.

Actually, in spite of the authenticity of the collections, the Gold Museum in Lima is worth a visit, or at least a better investment of time than looking for a corner piece. The museum is an easy bus ride from the Agnamos Metro stop in Lima.