Laguna de Do It!

Every year I make them, and every year I wonder why I bother. Not-so -New Year resolutions. Instead of recycling a list from last year, I’ll kick off 2026 my reaching a huge goal; hiking Laguna de los Tres in El Chalten, Patagonia, the Argentinian side.

Laguna de los Tres is the Emerald City at the end of the yellow brick road to Patagonia. It’s s located in the Los Glaciares National Park in El Chalten. Here is my advice to anyone over the hill who attempts climbing this monster, or its tamer twin, Laguna Torre, below.

1. Don’t wear your bifocals or progressives or whatever the new lens are called. You’ll get dizzy. Instead, bring a pair of sunglasses or old frames that can take a little wear and tear. Eyes need to be protected from the dust and intense sun rays.

2. Don’t let the sniffer dogs confiscate your pill box at the border crossing, especially your glucosamine. If you drive from Chile, expect a non-cursory check of your bags at the border by Rin-Tin-Tin. Border officials accompanied a huge German Shepherd onto our bus, and it was a bit more intense than the blue-bins at an airport.

3. Expect to pay more for a can of tuna than a bottle of Malbec. While a backpacker’s menu won’t receive rave reviews on Trip Advisor, taking advantage of your hotel’s kitchen will save you a few pesos to pay for your room. Patagonia is a tad-bit expensive. Make that a few tads.

4. Take the slow lane coming down the long-haul treks. Los Glaciares National Park is not a place to roll one’s ankle. There aren’t any rangers in the park, except at the front gate to stamp your pass. On the Chilean side (which I visited last year), rangers were present and closed trails at certain times to keep hikers from being stranded in the dark. In El Chalten? It’s more of a hike-at-your-own-risk vibe. Give yourself nine hours to complete the hike, that includes a few pee stops and a chance to dip your toes into the lake. The last hour isn’t a ball-buster, but a knee-killer. Also, keep your phone in a pocket wear it won’t fall out.

5. Enjoy the view in the no- passing-zones, in other words, keep your road rage at home. If you’re on a narrow part of the hike, the right-of-way goes to the hiker making the ascent. Pull over and when they say, “gracias”, respond by saying de nada (no problem).

6. If someone falls or needs a helping hand, don’t be a jerk. Stop to see if they’re OK. I fell twice, tripping over roots in a wooded section. A middle-aged American couple whizzed by as if I were roadkill, but a young Brazilian man helped me up. I thanked the young man, not knowing the couple was in earshot.

“I watched and you fell gracefully!” the man yelled. I don’t even know what that means.

Glad I’m not his wife.

7. Dedicate your efforts to someone. My hike fell on the anniversary of my mother’s Heaven Can’t Wait Day, so my 40,630 steps were dedicated to her snap! crackle! popping! knees.

8. When it’s time to reward yourself with a tasty meal for your accomplishments, don’t go to Trip Advisor, ask your hotel where the travel agents go after their long days of catering to persnickety tourists. This place in Peurto Natales guarded by a striped naked man was teeming with tour guides who also endured the hike. One whom I talked to, takes this hike four times a week, burning off about 4,800 calories each time. And order whatever they order.

9. Don’t beat yourself up for not making other resolutions or for leaving your socks drying on a radiator two hotels ago. Or, make resolutions that you’re OK with breaking. For instance, capturing a penguin and eating it. It’s against the law and even if it wasn’t, penguin it’s supposed to taste awful. Besides, I’m vegetarian. Another resolution worth breaking Is smuggling contraband over the Chilean border (this is the stuff I think about while enduring long haul flights). I contrived a plan to sneak a thermos of milk across the border, yes, good ole wholesome milk. It’s just one of the prohibited items that will get confiscated along with cocaine, endangered species and firearms. Could this mission be accomplished by an absent-minded grammar teacher or would it take the know-how of James Bond? You decide.

10. Leave your cares at home. When you see these views, the termoil of today’s headlines seem trivial. And bring a good book, like Grendel (John Gardner) to read. We are a mere ripple in Time’s stream.

11. When you return to reality, tip the luggage guy from the bus company who doesn’t bend your hiking polls. C’mon, if you can afford a trip to Patagonia, you can afford to be courteous.