It’s funny flying to the flipside. Father Time either swallows a day when you fly west over the international date line, or gives you a day back if you fly east, allowing you to land before you ever left. Well, yesterday, while flying back to China, my mother in law passed away. It was about nine o’clock CST, seven hours after take off, putting […]
A DAY THAT NEVER WAS
Why I got my hair cut.
It was a typical day in China. I was out enjoying the typical Chinese scenery… teaching English at an upscale Equestrian -Golf club outside of Kunming, China. It was the kind of resort where you’d wipe your butt with hundred dollar bills…that is,if they offered toilet paper in their restrooms. Luxurious was an understatement for this resort. Easily five stars, just like […]
Golden, Fushcia and Leopard Print Temple
Monday was the fifteenth day of the new Chinese Year, which is also known as the Lantern Festival. Fireworks are replaced with colorful incense …. and floating lanterns are released in the sky. This caused a colorful block of traffic on my way to school, as I take a short cut thru the Golden Temple (in Kunming, China) to get there. The buses had to wait […]
Oh, crap! 糟糕: Tzao Gao
The biggest difference between countries is not their style of politics but the little things, ATMs, traffic signals, directions on a washing machine, but most important, the rules and expressions for using the toilet. In the land of the free to pee, American public johns are not filled with signs about fines of how to squat or what to plop. […]
The Nightmare Before New Years
There’s only one thing louder than in China than New Year’s. It’s a Chinese Walmart on New Year’s Eve. Instead of fighting over Tickle Me Elmo’s and large screen TVs, shoppers grab for handfuls of prawns. And lucky chicken feet for your hostess. There is a tea tree instead of a Christmas tree. And itchy festive clothes for the children. […]
China’s Got Talent
What could be more adorable than a Chinese five year old dressed up as Curly the cowboy? The one re-enacting a dinosaur battle. It was the Chine Speaks English competition in Kunming, and I got to be a judge for the shortie division ( four to eight year-olds). Participants were judged on their ability to speak English, not if they could comprehend […]
Cool Adventure
Hip. Swag. Dope. Just some of the American slang my Chinese students discussed when the topic du jour was the word, “cool”. I ended the lesson discussing another idiom for cool, “freaking freezing!” It was the only way to describe the splizzardy weather in the city of Eternal Springs, where snow siting is as rare as seeing a M?iguórén bundled up in a […]
Putting your best 脚 jiǎo forward.
At first, it just felt like a pebble in my shoe. No big deal. But then suddenly, out of nowhere, try it felt like an abscessed tooth migrated to the ball of my foot. Ouch! Now I understand why they shoot horses. It’s something called Morton’s Neuroma, a thickening of the skin around a nerve between two toes, common in […]
Get your Zao on!
Most people complain about their morning commute to work. Not me. My forty minute walk to work is like jumping into a Dr. Suess book. But replace the Cat in the Hat with Kung Fu Panda wannabes and the puff balls of Who-ville with beautiful gardens of the World Horticultural Expo in Kunming. And oh yes, replace saying G’morning with […]
Chinese Whippersnappers
It sounded like gunfire but it couldn’t be. I wasn’t in Chicago, I was in China. The sound was coming from across the street, not in an alley with gang bangers but a group of old men spinning their tops, an activity they call tuó?luó, pronounced tow-ah-low-ah. ?? These guys crack a whip at an old school over sized top, […]