Wild Ones

I didn’t expect to need mittens in the jungle. But then again, I didn’t expect to celebrate my birthday in the rainforest, either. Or go fishing for piranha or be amazed by army ants who do eat meat (both the piranha and the ant). Being typical Peruvians, piranha do prefer chicken.

Yes, the older I get, the harder it gets to match the adrenaline rush I had when I turned six and received a twist and turn Barbie at you birthday party. Or turned 21 in Amsterdam. Or I’ll leave the details to your imagination So to make the day memorable, I decided to do something wild… literally.

The idea to celebrate my big day with monkeys, screeching macaws, howler monkeys, and a sluggish sloth was planted in my brain back in February, thanks to my skin guy. Being a bit bored with the state of my moles, my dermatologist and I started talking about travel destinations. He said, “You must go to Puerto Maldonado. Doctor’s orders.”

Why not?

Where else could I see where organic hot dogs grow?

Actually, those are not organic hotdog plants. They are cicada domes.

I actually booked an airline ticket before locating the destination on a map, which was before I realized I had to take a boat, which, you can’t book on Uber. And then walk. And then spray myself with lethal doses of OFF. And then take a boat.

And then cross this bridge. And then walk some more.

I had no clue what I was in for, other than it was recommended to get a Yellow fever vaccine, which I couldn’t, due to my age. I brought lots of lightweight clothing and my binoculars, which are literally held together with sticky tack. But then there was a cold snap. The tour guide asked me if I brought gloves. He didn’t ask me to bring a signed will.

Back to the gloves in the jungle. Yes, it can get cold….a blistery sixty degrees, which is the Amazonian equivalent of an Arctic blast. I ended up wearing a few pairs of clothes during the early morning activities.

So what’s the big draw in Puerto Maldonado other than an insect-carried sickness?

Macaws. They enjoy clay as part of their complete breakfast to get salt. I joined birdwatchers with a lot nicer equipment than mine.

Birdwatchers flock to this region of Peru, the Tambopata reserve outside if Puerto Maldonado. Yes, I actually looked up the name once I landed. And there are more birds than bumbling tourists. I saw the hoatzin which resembles a flying pumpkin and the rare cream colored woodpecker and parrots and macaws and parakeets and flowers with faces and more monkeys than you could fit in a barrel. The jaguar was a no-show, but I didn’t mind.

Also quite interesting were the ants. I’m glad I had a new pair of hiking boots!

There is no cellphone coverage in the Tambopata jungle. Or hot showers. or Grub Hub deliveries. It was great to unplug and forget about my wordle winning streak.

There isn’t birthday cake, either, but I did make new friends. This woman was amazed at my height.

Now ,back to the airport…where I’ll hopefully get my real present: back to the Lima on time . The new airport opens today and all flights have been juggled a bit. Who knows where my luggage will end up.

Puerto Maldonado is in the vicinity of Cusco…a quick flight or night bus ride if you have a taste for adventure and a pocket full of Dramamine. And yes, that is a huge reptile looking at you. And for hotel recommendations…give my skin guy a call. Or, you can visit BloodyBuenoPeru (recommended by my birdie friends) or Kapievi Ecovillage. A fabulous crocodile-free hotel in Puerto Maldonado.