OK, I hate Chicago traffic. But in China, getting stuck on a bus makes you thankful. Why? You always see someone who has it worse you. Like this styrofoam man, in Kunming, China. I mean, how do you get this job? Was he a Tour de France hopeful who didn’t make the cut, just like the Olympic 4th placer who […]
Styrofoam Man
Xie-Xie, Scooby-Doo
“Mrs. Mac,” Grace asked, her smile slightly less bright than a 1000 watt bulb. Do you think Jenny can have that piece of paper? She’s so excited!” It was a seemingly blank piece of white paper that contained nothing other than a UBS logo […]
Seven Foot Marlin
I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast on my wedding day. But I do I remember the kitchen was a wreck as the condo was in the final stages of being updated, the avocado green appliances being replaced with newlywed stainless steel. And my night sleep wasn’t good; I parked on the couch as my pots and pans covered […]
Life is Sweet
Eenie Meenie Minie Moe. Which Sapa darling do I buy the honey from? I looked at the three old ladies, all equally lovely, their faces road maps to hardships I can’t fathom. Their silver earrings stretched their ears into fleshy hula hoops, their black hair coiled on their heads like silky snakes. In front of each is a plastic bucket […]
The Frog Monger
I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. She had a corner on the sidewalk near our bank. I was drawn to her raggedy rice hat and crumpled up face, like a dollar bill that had gone thru the wash. She squatted on her store, a blanket spread on the ground, her wares a basket of frogs, each the size […]
Monkeying Around
So I got a real cool teaching tool for my classroom. Not sharpies or flash cards, but a monkey mask. Slightly used, but just a buck fifty. I started the class by telling the students I saw a monkey in front of the school. They weren’t impressed. As they worked on their spelling words, I had to use the restroom. […]
Morning Sickness
I have morning sickness. I know what your thinking, I’m not pregnant, I didn’t eat some some weird genetically modified vegetable that resulted in a bun in the oven. It’s just that every morning when I wake up in China, it’s still yesterday in the States, and my lawyer is firing me off emails before wrapping up her day. So […]
Thank You, TSA
Who do you complain to if the good guys are also the bad guys? If you’ve ever survived a nine hour flight to a foreign speaking country and needed your socks surgically removed upon landing, you’ve probably found a note slipped into your underwear pouch from the TSA. The thought of someone snooping through your stuff is almost as […]
Too Much Change is Still Good
I tried my best not to stare at the doll-like holes on her forehead. “I’m trans gender.” “Oh really?” My acting was bad as her hair transplant but her voice was water to my parched ears. We were in an English language desert, the Thai Immigration Bureau in Bangkok, located a three hour bus ride from anywhere familiar, as was […]
Praborommathatchiyaratchaworawihan (I can’t pronounce it either.)
It was a bit awkward standing behind a monk at Seven Eleven to buy a beer. But I didn’t care. I needed one. It was the first time I thought I was going to die, since walking down a Chinese sidewalk and almost getting plowed by a taxi. I was visiting an ancient temple in southern Thailand called . I know. […]