A Fungus Among Us

I would rather suffer from a parasite than boredom.

They are common enough in China where there is even a breathalyzer gizmo that can immediately determine if the helico- bacteria have landed in your system.

Yesterday, I passed the breathalyzer for the little boogers, but as for my nifty-fifty-pushing-sixty gastroinestinal (UGI) endoscopy?

The results made me feel like the before photo in a Lysol commercial.

There is a fungus hanging out in my stomach.

Ewww!!!!

I mean EWWWWWW!

I guess that’s better than a polyp or tumor or Covid 19 but still, EWWWWWWW!!!!!!

I had the double whammy procedure at Boya Hospital in Kunming, China. What a way to spend a day off. The consent form needed my fingerprint for final approval.

As for the procedure? Well, I was knocked out for most of it. I did get to wear disposable crotch-less panties—not as glamourous as what you’d find at Victoria Secret. When I woke up fifty minutes later, I was told my diagnosis.

You have a fungus. And not the kind that are good in a Yunnan Hot pot.

Yes, I feel as repulsive as some of the squatties I have dared to use over my years in South West China, except for a few in Hekou, which are in their own category. Did my stomach somehow contract Athlete’s foot during one of those incidences that I shoved my foot in my mouth? Or, did I gnaw on an unlucky Chicken Foot? So many oddities have entered my mouth, who knows what it’s from.

I see a change in my diet coming.

I will spare you the photos the doctor took of my insides. There is a reason that God did not put eyes in various places.

But I survived. The doctor will be prescribing medicine soon. I am guessing a mix of Scrubbing bubbles and Comet.