Same Same Vang Vieng

The last time I was in Laos, I was locked out of China due to covid, floating around SE Asia with only the clothes that I had in my backpack, trying to teach online for two months. Bathing suits, mind you, do violate the dress code.. After a short stint in Kuala Lumpur to join a few other misplaced teachers, I returned to Laos until I had to evacuate the country, one of the more traumatic moments of my life, grown folks begging with ticket agents to board planes.

Why do I hike?

When I find myself literally at the end of a rope in China, hiking is the ultimate brain eraser. Either I’m concentrating on the beauty or not slipping, totally forgetting that the snack I purchased for my cat was freeze dried baby birds (I will spare you the photo).

Nails

Hopefully, someday, Easter will be restored to a holiday where I can enjoy going to church, biting the heads off chocolate bunnies instead of eating frozen pea-sicles, and thinking about the nails of the crucifixion, not mine.

Tombs and Brittle Bones

It’s sad. Folks spending eternity in a cemetery really are forgotten. We have don’t even have a word for them. We have words for the grounds (cemetery, necropolis, catacombs), words for the urns and burial stones, words for that stupid piece of plastic on the end of your shoelace (aglet), but no word for our collective of loved ones that left us their Hummel collections.

Rice 饭 Fàn

his year for Christmas, I travelled to Xishuangbanna, where rice is anything but a bland side dish. There are rice stuffed pineapples, purple sticky rice, speckled rice dumplings wrapped in Bamboo leaves, and rice stuffed bamboo shoots.

Local Color

I went to Kunming’s Museum of Contemporary Art this weekend and viewed what I thought was an abstract poodle. While I enjoyed the art, I found the streets just as colorful. This bean lady at the market reminded me of my mom. I really think it was her. She didn’t have her own booth or her own QR code, but […]

Paperwork

Working at an international school, I have been trained for fires, earthquakes. Hostage Takeovers. But what if a student gets stuck in the bathroom? It was photo day and my class was right after the snapping of pictures. Mars’ bow tie was next to the crayons. Albert’s jacket was on the back of his chair. But Yael’s kitty cat ears? […]

An American in Wuhan

Oh yes I did! I have just completed the Covid 19 Triple Dog Dare. I went on a cruise, ate at a buffet and ended up in Wuhan, then lived to blog about it. Actually, it’s not as insane as it sounds. Since I’m “land-locked” in China this summer, I thought I’d finally see the country. It’s not like I’ve […]

Pokes and Probes

So what’s an expat to do when it’s time to get back on the saddle again–wait–I mean back in the stirrups? Make an appointment at Women’s Angel Hospital for a pap smear and mammogram. Considering China makes more babies than any other countries, maybe it’s time we trust them with other female needs.

Temple Attire

So, just what do you wear to a temple or monastery, even if it’s one for chickens in Shangri La? It depends on if it’s a Buddhist temple, monastery, or the Hundred chicken temple.

Yak and Hack

Does anyone know of a good wine pairing for yak? That’s what you eat in Shangri La. And don’t laugh. Yak is where it’s at. I was referred to this little hole in the wall, a Tibetan version of a blue plate diner. I ordered Diced Yak with noodles and Yak Meat Pie. The crust was amazing. Plus, I had […]

Born to be like ginger

In America today, I officially turn into human wallpaper. It’s my birthday, or 生日快乐 shēng rì kuài lè, in Chinese. But no Barbie dolls or pin the tail on the donkey games this year. I turned sixty. The big Six-O. In dog years, I’d be dead. In America, childhoods that pre-date Google means you have become as desirable as panty […]

You Care Too Much

The three words silenced my room: “What the hell?” They weren’t from a junior high student, because the utterance would have been in Chinese. The slip of the tongue was from a second grader. From the same kid who doesn’t know his sight words. I looked at a coworker, who heard it too. While I was thinking about school policies […]

Smoke

There is a famous Chinese proverb: 不到长城非好汉. He who has never been to the Great Wall is not a true man. And after he visits the Great Wall, he picks up a pack of cigarettes.  Smoking is huge in this country, even with doctors, including my “no chicken, no OJ, drink broccoli juice” acupuncturist. Before the young doctor light his cigarette, […]

Xie-Xie, Scooby-Doo

                                “Mrs. Mac,” Grace asked, her smile slightly less bright than a 1000 watt bulb. Do you think Jenny can have that piece of paper?  She’s so excited!” It was a seemingly blank piece of  white paper that contained nothing other than a UBS logo […]

Seven Foot Marlin

I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast on my wedding day.  But I do I remember the kitchen was a wreck as the condo was in the final stages of being updated, the avocado green appliances being replaced with newlywed stainless steel. And my night sleep wasn’t good; I parked on the couch as my pots and pans covered […]

Life is Sweet

Eenie Meenie Minie Moe. Which Sapa darling do I buy the honey from? I looked at the three old ladies, all equally lovely, their faces road maps to hardships I can’t fathom. Their silver earrings stretched their ears into fleshy hula hoops, their black hair coiled on their heads like silky snakes. In front of each is a plastic bucket […]

The Frog Monger

I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. She had a corner on the sidewalk near our bank. I was drawn to her raggedy rice hat and crumpled up face, like a dollar bill that had gone thru the wash. She squatted on her store, a blanket spread on the ground, her wares a basket of frogs, each the size […]

Monkeying Around

So I got a real cool teaching tool for my classroom. Not sharpies or flash cards, but a monkey mask. Slightly used, but just a buck fifty. I started the class by telling the students I saw a monkey in front of the school. They weren’t impressed. As they worked on their spelling words,  I had to use the restroom.  […]

Morning Sickness

I have morning sickness. I know what your thinking, I’m not pregnant, I didn’t eat some some weird genetically modified vegetable that resulted in a bun in the oven. It’s just that every morning when I wake up in China, it’s still yesterday in the States, and my lawyer is firing me off emails before wrapping up her day. So […]

Thank You, TSA

  Who do you complain to if the good guys are also the bad guys? If you’ve ever survived a nine hour flight to a foreign speaking country and needed your socks surgically removed upon landing, you’ve probably found a note slipped into your underwear pouch from the TSA. The thought of someone snooping through your stuff is almost as […]

Too Much Change is Still Good

I tried my best not to stare at the doll-like holes on her forehead. “I’m trans gender.” “Oh really?” My acting was bad as her hair transplant but her voice was water to my parched ears. We were in an English language desert, the Thai Immigration Bureau in Bangkok, located a three hour bus ride from anywhere familiar, as was […]

Temples and Tastebuds

  It’s the coconut capital of the world.That’s all I knew about Surat Thani and thought it would be worth spending a day. But I quickly found out this coastal Thai city has more than what Chicago has Starbucks. I visited several, each one having its own flavor. This one had a meals on wheels program.     Another temple taught young […]