Chinese Mega Malls

There’s a new super mall across the street from where I live in Kunming, China but I’ve never been inside. Why? I’m more enthralled with the old China with frog mongers and temples than the one that looks like was imported from Peoria. But this mall definitely wasn’t from Peoria, even if this mallwalker looks like the guy from the Six Flags commercial.

First, there was a China Beach out front…


Frontal nudity on floor three…


Roof-top riding stables…


I don’t know what they do with the rooftop manure, either. Then there’s balloon bunnies…


 And Water Babies, a place with individual pools for toddlers to pee in.

Bistros with hand painted Chenglish…

And convenient stores where canned oxygen is sold next to sexual aids.

The craziest thing in the Chinese mall wasn’t product placement or sky high pony rides, it was Carrot Nectar. I was expecting a Vitamin A rush, like a vegetable equivalent of an espresso, similar to what that overpriced Naked Carrot Juice from Whole Foods gives you. Wrongo. It tastes like carrot flavored syrup from a fruit cocktail can.


In spite of more shops to count, one important element was missing in this Chinese mega mall: people!

That’s because everyone shops on TaoBao

I much prefer the old China, where you can get a new iron fence and dried peppers at one shop. Not even Home Depot offers that.


I think I’ll leave the mall and follow Mr. Six to the local fruit market. Doo-de-do-de-doo-doo….

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